I'm sitting here with my hot chocolate thinking about the up and down journey Grayson and I have been on. It has definitely been a wild ride.
I am also looking at my very dirty, run down, 8.5 year old Medela Pump In Style with detest - and after you read this post, you will know why.
It all started after the birth. I was in the shower, and the midwife came in and said "Grayson has a tongue tie, and you should get it cut as soon as possible". I just looked at her. The next two days were very painful with the tongue tie latch. The pediatrician suggested I wait a while. I was like - ummmm, that's not happening.
So, two days after his birth (it was a Tuesday), we went to the ENT. Three days later, he stopped latching. I remember it clearly, it was a Friday. That weekend was - interesting to say the least. I would spend hours (literally) trying to get him latched. Once we got it, he would latch. Then he would go to sleep - and it was almost like he forgot. So, after he woke up, it was another few hours trying to get him latched again.
Man, was I crazed. He was frustrated. We tried all different ways, contortions, everything possible in different locations, in and out of the bed. I was also pumping so that I could feed him a few ounces through a syringe so he wouldn't starve during the time I was trying to get him to latch.
It was a learning process for both of us.
So, on Monday, he was latching regularly! YAY! I have done it...or have I?
I was all ready for a positive breast feeding relationship. Then, he stopped transferring milk.
So here began the intimate relationship with my very used and old Medela Pump And Style...
Man, I hate that thing.
The lactation consultant cut a whole in a bra so that I could pump hands free. During that month, I was either feeding or pumping. It was - exhausting to stay the least. Granted, the hands free was a blessing - I felt like a cow, and didn't do much else. I was up in the middle of the night pumping.
Not fun. Not fun at all.
After that it was fine. It was very up and down with him in terms of breastfeeding. Sometimes he would feed very well, other times he wouldn't. If he was sick, it would go down, but then bounce back.
Fast forward to 6 months. We go for his 6 month checkup and his weight is down. Granted, he had the flu, and grew 2 teeth during the previous month. I can't imagine why he would have lost weight. He looks healthy, he was breastfeeding well. he was getting good poops and pees. I feed on demand - why? why? why?
So, I'm thinking that his body needs real food now. So, 2 days ago we started with sweet potatoes that I steamed and smashed for him. Of course he won't eat them. I just need a break. I bought this ridiculously expensive can of formula (I don't know how or why people would spend so much money) - so I could just give him one bottle a day so I wouldn't have to pump. Please...please not again.
He of course won't drink the formula and I am not spending tons of money going through different types trying to find something he likes. It's crazy how much that stuff costs. It really is a crime. People need to feed their babies. Sheesh!
So now, I have come back full circle. I am looking at my Medela Pump In Style again.
Thinking why...why...why must I endure this again? I am so so tired. This totally and utterly soaks. I breastfed the others 2-3 years with no problems. What's the deal?
Does anyone - anyone out there have any suggestions? Encouragement? Something? Anything? I really don't see as I have a choice.